My Fantastic Thanksgiving

Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone! I know I had a great one. Yesterday morning my bro Rikishi told me that, because I had been a very good boy, he had a special treat for me. I got so excited I almost peed my Powerpuff Girls footie pajamas. "What is it?" I squealed. Rikishi refused to say. Except that we had to go somewhere to experience my special treat. Long story short, it turned out my bro had arranged for me to f*ck a turkey.

"Wow, really?" I asked. "Yes", Rikishi confirmed. Rikishi decided to go first. The farmer brought out a large turkey. It struggled and gobbled. The farmer used a clippers to cut off the turkey's feet and beak. It squawked in pain and both Rikishi and I laughed. Then the farmer presented the turkey to my bro ass first and pointed to where he should insert his wiener.

Well, Rikishi went to town on the turkey, thrusting his large hot dog into the struggling turkey over and over. Finally he released his white gr@vy and the turkey died. Little Mystere was standing at full attention. I couldn't wait to have a go at my own turkey.

So, the farmer presented a turkey to me and I took out little Mystere. I inserted it, but the turkey didn't seem to take much note. I thrusted for awhile and eventually spurted my white gr@vy. I let the turkey go and it dropped to the ground where it started flopping around. "Usually they're dead at this point" the farmer said. He grabbed an ax and swiftly chopped off the turkey's head. "Obviously your wiener was too small to do the turkey much damage. Internally, I mean" the farmer remarked rudely.

"How dare you insult my bro" an angry Rikishi remarked. I stuffed little Mystere back inside my pants, embarrassed. Rikishi punched the farmer in his jaw and he fell like a sack of potatoes. "Hahahaha" I laughed. The farmer was out cold, so Rikishi grabbed his wallet and took back the money he had previously paid him.

With Rikishi behind the wheel, we drove away in the pinkie-toot-toot (my pink Chevy). Glancing in the rear-view mirror, I saw the farmer's teenage son run into the driveway. He hefted up a shotgun and started blasting. Fortunately we (nor the pinkie toot-toot) were hit. I turned around and raised my middle finger, laughing. Like I said, it was a GREAT day!



Note: I originally published this post on my blog at the URL iheartwhitegravy.blogspot.com, but that blog got taken down after Assface falsely reported it for a bogus T0S infraction. Luckily I had it backed up and can therefore republish it here, on my new blog. I changed the date to match the date I originally published it at my Wh!te Gr@vy blog.

One Of The Best Experiences Of My Life!

I haven't told this story before, but a few years back (before China attacked us with their genetically engineered WuFlu) I was walking down the sidewalk in downtown Cypress. Suddenly an unmarked van pulled up beside me and a half dozen large male j!gs jumped out. Before I knew it one of them threw a bag over my head and hustled me into the back of the van.

Awhile later I awoke (I must have blacked out) and I found myself in what looked like an abandoned factory. For the next few days each of the hulking j!gs had their way with me (sexu@lly). My @nus and throat hurt so much after hours and hours of sexu@l abuse at the hands of my tormentors. For weeks after I couldn't poop or eat without soreness. Yet I'd say it was totally worth it.

Which isn't to say I didn't call the police. But the cops (for some reason) didn't believe me. Just because the j!gs forced me to scarf a bunch of shrooms and smoke a ton of pot. According to the police I suffered a "drug induced delusion".

Below is a drawing of one of my attackers. I described what the j!g looked like to a police sketch artist and this is what the person drew. That was prior to them kicking me out of the police station. I grabbed the drawing as a very rude officer grabbed my arm and forced me to leave. "You're lucky I'm too busy at the time to charge you with filing a false police report" Officer @sswipe remarked as he shoved me toward the door.

From time to time I will take out this pic and use it to w@ck off. Good memories. Excepting that rude officer. I should have pressed charges against him! I think he might have been an anti-asian racist.



Note: I originally published this post on my blog at the URL iheartwhitegravy.blogspot.com, but that blog got taken down after Assface falsely reported it for a bogus T0S infraction. Luckily I had it backed up and can therefore republish it here, on my new blog. I changed the date to match the date I originally published it at my Wh!te Gr@vy blog.